Growing pains

This might turn out to be a long post but there might be a sentence here written especially for you… It’s up to you. I haven’t written in a while, not because I don’t have anything to share, but because it has been my observation that there truly is nothing new under the sun and mostly the things I’m wanting to share are somehow just lingering in the air and seemingly resonating with a few other billion people that share it before I do. Today I was reminded that although that is probably a fact, history clearly shows us that humans hardly learn ( or are slow learners) (think wars and fallen empires) and a bit of repetition really wont hurt, if anything it might reiterate some important points.

(Side note… So I am a bit conceited and I like to think that I’m making a difference in your life if I tell you something new, something you’ve never thought of before… So I don’t write because someone beat me to it… But, for humans like me, who are still growing and are a bit petty the Universe has enough grace to embrace us even when we falter.  Time and again I’m reminded that we’ve all got our own circle of influence… I shouldn’t worry… But hey… This struggle is real, but there is hope!)

Back to the reason I am here… If it resonates with you( if you feel me), thank you… If you haven’t stopped and introspected and retrospected, hey… Stop it, wake up! If this doesn’t affect you then can we hang out? Maybe you can be my teacher…

Why is it that we feel like when we give someone a compliment, we are somehow diminishing the weight of our measure? Why are we so perturbed when someone else wins(does well)?

I don’t know… I have my suspicions… But I don’t think I am here to give answers today… Why is it so hard for you to not include yourself when someone else is given a compliment? Why is comparison your default? Do you believe that you are beautiful, only when someone else is ugly? Do you think you are loving, only when someone else isn’t? Do you think you are talented, only when someone else isn’t? Do you think you are only good, when someone is a little worse than you?

Then along comes the blatant making everything about you… A conversation can never be about someone else and how they are doing… Somehow you have to intefer and make it about yourself. Why is that? Why is a conversation only interesting when we are discussing your pain or triumphs? Why do you think you are invisible and irrelevant when your name is not spoken?

I think the most ironic one is your backhanded compliments… What you mean to say is something hurtful disguised as a compliment. What you don’t realise is that you still highlight someone else’s strengths even though it really wasn’t your intention.

Why is it hard for you, to give someone a compliment?

This is a bit heavy, and I am only writing because I am also guilty of this and have also been a victim of ‘friends’ like these. If you know me, you know how hard it is for me to beat around the bush, so please forgive me. I don’t know how else to sugarcoat this and still be honest.

Feel free to share your ideas, but only if they will be useful.

I took these pictures of these beautiful ladies here in Senegal… Aren’t they just lovely?

Sudau6 Suzan

Love Rotondwa

God speaks

Farriah

I remember a couple of years ago a  very dear friend of ours asked me how do I hear God’s voice? I just looked at him not understanding the question. I wanted to reply that I hear God the same way speak as I hear you now. I could see that he really wanted to know. I couldn’t explain to him how I hear God because I just hear Him?

Ever since then my friend discovered his own way of hearing God and his life was transformed. He knew who his wife is through a chit chat with God and listening to His Papa, he is today a happily married man to the woman who God nudged him to pursue.

This past week, I thought about that question again. My husband needs solitude to speak to God. He wakes up early mornings before his chatterbox wife, and speaks to God…

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Why That Fire-Spitting, Demon-Chasing Christian brother is just NOT RIGHT for you

Motivation Springs

Whenever christian women get the question “What kind of guy would you like?”, the first response is “he must be christian” and other qualities such as tall, handsome, financially well-to-do and bla bla follow. Of course, if you are asking someone who is scared to show she is interested in something ‘worldly’ like money, you get the “As long as he is Christian, I’m fine! I don’t care if he is a pauper or a hobo” Who are you kidding?

I have seen and heard from many women who found their christian man; they dressed the right way, spoke the right bible verses at the right time, acted the right way and of course looked in the right place- the church. Where else would you find a man that is able to spit fire when he speaks in tongues and have demons running at 400km/h? Many of these marriages are…

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When the Boss Playa Stops, the Beat Goes On: Reflections on Komla Dumor

I read, I learnt, I am African!

kasaKOA

Death as a phenomenon generally elicits negative feelings; these emotions tend to run deeper if the person who dies was an admirable person. Even in some cases where the person in question was not well liked while alive, the solemnity of death can inspire an appreciable level of reverence. While we typically mark the gravity of death, it is equally important (if not more crucial) to let that somberness inform our actions as we continue to live.

 

This blog has examined death-related themes a couple of times: both subjects – a Nigerian and a Ghanaian – left us after traversing the diamond jubilee mark. In most parts of Africa, the death of a person above a certain age (typically 70) is observed with appreciative emotion rather than marked by overt mourning. The two personalities – Chinua Achebe and Kofi Awoonor – lived full and fulfilled lives; while Achebe passed…

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Beautiful

I’ve been trying to imagine that a part of me is not flawed! I caught myself flinching at its sight!

Now I know I can’t lie, I shouldn’t lie! If I just stay living in the light! Breathing forgiveness every night!

For me, from me, letting go of ideas I seem to have been born with!

The real me woke up singing, “I am the daughter of the Most High God! A princess in the Kingdom of Victors!”

Now caught in between, mostly just thoughts in my head! I know I shouldn’t live there and yet,

I seem to always wonder off there! But I am here! Torn! Wrecked! Wretched!

How is a part of me so beautiful now plastered with so much fear and shame?

This I know because while my instinct is to flinch and look away, a calmer part of me says look, a part of you, so beautiful! A part of you! So beautiful! A part of you, so beautiful!

It’s so hard, but I must do it! I cannot live my whole life afraid of myself!

I am working on looking, without wincing, without shame, without fear!

I am the daughter of the most High God.

A princess in the Kingdom of Victors!

Traveling

I complain. I remember in high school one of my besties told me that I complain. I was so shocked!! What the hell was she talking about? I simply expressed my discomfort whenever I felt any! I think I did it in a whiny voice? Perhaps. So anyway, several people have told me that I complain a lot, so I have accepted this as one of my not so charming attributes!! Oh well. So anyway, I would like to set the picture straight. It always sounds grand when people say that they are traveling or studying somewhere away from home! It sounds exotic and transcendent.  Traveling is awesome! I always come back home feeling rejuvenated and excited and feeling as though my horizons have be expanded. This is due to a combination of believe it or not, good times and bad times when abroad. When out here, you meet people who think/do things so differently from you. You are forced to let go of ideas you have of yourself. Your reality is always challenged. So you become a better person. You realise that if you let go of some concept you have of yourself and embrace something else, you wont die! You kind of rise. Your ceiling becomes your floor in terms of what you learn about yourself. You obviously also get to appreciate home, your comfort. The way people greet people they don’t know on the streets. The freedom/naivety in 3rd world countries! Your normality…Believe me sometimes it is better to not be an exotic human being. So when you come back, you have the experience of having lived in other people’s world and a new appreciation of your home and some ideas of making it better. The exposure is invaluable. I cannot stress how important it is to travel! It is like some kind of wake up call. That and tasting awesome and not so awesome foods! Learning to speak sign language(default language when English is not understood) and buying all kinds of unnecessary things you wouldn’t normally buy at home! Not being accessible on your phone(this is not a must but recommended) and having a quite time! You’ll also learn that cartoons are understandable in whichever language!!! Haha I think that’s why kids dig those things! The down side is that you will miss home. We are creatures of habit so you will miss home. You can only go sight seeing for finite number of times before it becomes boring. I think there’s a limit to the amount of alcohol one human can consume. And even at home you have some normal non-physics conversations, why should it be normal here :'(!!!! Some pictures taken in Budapest, Hungary below. We’ll go sight seeing in Frankfurt tomorrow. Enjoy.DSC_0518 DSC_0336 DSC_0346 DSC_0373 DSC_0503 DSC_0606 DSC_0588

Relationships

I haven’t thought this through in a way that I could write this out in one simple sentence, so bear with me. I’m in so so many relationships as is everyone and the dynamics are something to look at. When everything is hunky dory it is really not that interesting at all, well not for me anyway. It usually is just pleasant and maybe inspiring but hardly anything that will have me pondering for a long time. When people are fighting or not getting along, particularly when I’m fighting or not getting along with anyone I’m in a relationship with, I always try and figure out what really is going on. At the moment I think that as humans we have this need(disease) of wanting to protect ourselves. I find myself thinking there’s just no one who understands me, no one who gets me. Even people who are meant to get me don’t get me so what choice do I have but protect whatever it is that people don’t get that I need them to get, me! I find myself thinking that it is better to let it go and let them be as I don’t want to impose myself on others and because at some point there will be some sort of misunderstanding. It feels like a drag, me trying to make you understand you trying to make me understand. At times the boring hunky dory thing is less time consuming.

Just to be clear, this could be with anyone that you’re in a relationship with be it your parents, your friends and/or your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/wife/husband/teachers etc. We have this desire to always be right and stick to our ways, whether ours ways are right or beneficial for someone else we at that moment don’t seem to care. The way we’ve done things is the right way, our comfort and because the thought of being wrong means that we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and accepting of something else/or a knowledge that is outward. It’s almost as if we’re letting ourselves go(betraying the vow to ourselves) and that goes against the instinct of protecting me! So we fight and take offense. And in the end we’re often left holding onto nothing but offended/shattered hearts and unspeakable “I’m sorrys”.

Anyway that has been my observation, and I find that I don’t want to be as right as much as I would like to build meaningful relationships in which I do not have this desperate need to protect myself. A place where I can be reprimanded in love, or a place where someone else can say “dude I think you’ve overstepped a boundary there” and it won’t be a big hoo ha that lasts weeks. Obviously this doesn’t apply to everybody, but it doesn’t matter as I’m not looking to have meaningful relationships with “everybadhi”! Love, love, love though, it continues to be undermined as a soft emotion but it is a force that holds all things together.

Tell me what your experiences have been, am I missing something or being too naive?